Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
