She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
