Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
