whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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