you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
