your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
