So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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