So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
