haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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