doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
