aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
