who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
