she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
