If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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