your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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