they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
