i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
