If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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