All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
