why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
