Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
