we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
