Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
