Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
