yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
