well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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