I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
