just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
