So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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