apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
