Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
God I need to hump something, right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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