Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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