How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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