Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
