My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
