I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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