idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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