Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
