why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
