Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
