I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
