I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
