Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
