PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
