Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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