just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
