yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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