Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
