please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
