i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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