You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
